Oh, well… It HAD started out to be a relatively normal Tuesday. At least it had seemed to be. But, in the last three hours, not only had all Hell broken loose, the floodgates had burst open, the shit had most
assuredly hit the fan, the other shoe had noisily dropped, the smoking gun had been found, the fat lady had bellowed her wretched aria, the Pope had indeed shat in the woods (yet again…), the cows had come home stinking of gin with their hides all askew(and, of course the chickens had repatriated the roost ), and the baby had definitively been thrown out WITH the fetid bathwater. And to top it all off, his head was pounding like it’d taken a wildpitch from a wrecking ball. And the goddamned phone; twittering away with its incessant electronic chirp ("Why don’t these fucking things just ring anymore?" he wondered) was driving him crazyass- stupid yet again.

"Shit! Must be that jackass Pomar again…" he grumbled. "Yeah, what is it this time, Eggs? I told you not to call again unless you had some goddamn answers! This better be good!"

"Well, YOU better be sittin’ down ‘cause you damn sure ain’ gon’ like
it, Telpo. Those rubberdicks down at Sammy’s been makin’ noises like they gonna put a stop to the whole forkin’ projec’ and our not so good fren’ Jenny got Joel’s skivvies all inna bunch again ‘bout the
Facciabrutta tour too. Look, you gotta get your ass in gear an’ get the
fuck over there ‘fore dey wrench the whole freakin’ poodle!"

"Karl, goddammit, you know I can’t leave the kid. Besides, Raymond and the rest of those tobies won’t listen to any thing I say anyway. That’s why we sent you there in the first place. And while we’re at it, just what the fuck are you talking about? You’re supposed to be in Denver checking out what that bastard Krozabeeep’s been up to. You weren’t even supposed to show up at Sammy’s until Thursday after they’d settled that other mess with Plasmacorps. Shit, man, why the Hell can’t you follow simple instructions anyway? Are you A.D.D. or just shit for brains or what?"

"Aww whaddaya-whaddaya anyway? Firs’ ya wan’ me go check out Krozabeeep, den ya wan’ me see what Sammy’s shitstorm’s about, then y’alla time bitchin’ when I try t’do what ya tol’me an’ ya got me so goddam confusified I can’ tell which enda the sharp stick sposeta go in my eye anymore, so’s jus’ shut the fuck up an’ try’n lissen, okay?"

Telpo Lendolotoproj went suddenly silent. If this was the way this was going to shake out, he was just going to have to bite the bullet and face Sammy’s numbskull contingent himself, a thought he could hardly find relish in that at this stage of the game. "Look, Eggs, just forget about it and get your ass to Denver and try to get a handle on what Krozabeeep’s getting us into. Forget about those assholes over at Sammy’s, okay? We’ve got enough problems already, Y’know? So just, take care of Krozabeeep in Denver and, for godsake, QUIT CALLING ME EVERY ELEVEN MINUTES, YOU SHIT!!! Now get off the phone and get going!"

"Awww, just bite me, fer chrissakes! You’re just gonna give me a whole ‘nother raft o’ shit when I DO find out what he’s tryin’ t’pull. Every time I call you, ya tell me not t’call ya all the time and then, ya
insist I let you know what’s up every other breath. I’ve hadda enough of this crap! Wouldja just make up your fuckin’ mind fer once? "

Telpo rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, yanked the receiver away from his ear and violently banged it way too many times onto the desktop. Returning it to his ear he bellowed "D’ja hear that? Does ANYTHING get thru that cement skull of yours? All right, look…I’ll call Solly myself and see if he’s gotten anywhere but I ain’t promising anything. Meanwhile you just haul your sorry ass to O'Hare and don’t call me again until you actually know something this time!"

"Awright, but if it’s what I think it is, I may not call ya at all and
just keep on goin’ and wash my hands of dis whole fuckin’ porkchop and I’m NOT kidding this time, Telpo!"

Telpo’s secretary Owlene suddenly burst into the room, apparently out of breath and carrying a stack of files and furiously waving a tightly tied, small reddish box. "Umm, yeah, okay, fine, Eggs; whatever ya say. Look, I, uh gotta go now. Have a good flight. I’ll be talkin’ to ya….Seeya…"

"Wait a goddamn minute -what about…" Telpo dropped the receiver down cutting off Karl in mid-sentence. Glancing up at Owlene, he could see that her hand that was holding the box was trembling. The look on her face was telling him in no uncertain terms that the afternoon wasn’t going to be much of an improvement over the morning.

"It’s here, T. I brought it up right away. And I wanna take the
afternoon off."

"No, Owlene, wait; I might needja here to...…"

"T, I can’t deal with this today. You and that idiot Karl and all of
these sillyass games. It’s just too much some time. You know I want to help, but if helping you and Solly put one over on Sanduccia again is part of the job, then I’m going to ask for my job back at Plasmacorps. I’m not kidding. I shouldn’t have to remind you of any of this. And now that Christine’s gotten involved, I’ve gotta step back or get out altogether. For God’s sake, Telpo, she’s family. I’ll be back in in the morning. Either have this settled or have my last check ready. Enough is enough! Now, I’m sorry, but I’m leaving this afternoon."

"Shit, Owlene, all right. Just indulge me and wait til I get this open.
I might have a little errand for you to take care of this afternoon. You
know, I mean, since you’re goin’ out anyway…"

"Mister Lendolotoproj, this is not some kind of twisted joke. I told
you, I’ll have no part of this any longer. And I’ll damned sure not be
around when you open THAT. I don’t even want to see the plunder from Phil’s latest trip to Hades or Wilmington or wherever he got this last batch from. If you want my services around here any more you’ll have to keep me out of this little passion play. I’ll see you
tomorrow! And remember, if you should see Christine today, not a word. I don’t want her involved again."

"Jesus, Owlene, she’s already up to her ass in alligators in this,
whether YOU realize it or not. Don’t worry, I won’t bring it up.
Besides, I’ll just betcha she’s gotta few other things to do today than
come and harass me again!"

"Allright then. I’ll be back in the morning . Please try to still be
alive then. I need my check." Owlene tossed her head back over her
shoulder as she exited and gave Telpo one of her amazing half-smiles that always softened his demeanor beyond his control.

"Okay. Seeya tomorrow." He said to the closed office door. "Let’s see
what our little friend has come up with this time. Owwww! Goddamn it!" A sharp pain in his left calf brought tears to his eyes. "What the fuck was that for, Wesczbo?" Telpo’s cranky old pet tortoise Wesczbo had clamped his beak onto Telpo's leg to get his attention. When Telpo yelled, Wesczbo had released and tilted his head up at his victim, looking as innocent as could be. Telpo reached down and picked him up and set him on the desk. "All right, my friend. I'll get your food, but do ya gotta remind me THAT way?"

And Wesczbo only smiled in prehistoric tartaruginous satisfaction as
Telpo slid open his middle left desk drawer……"Just a minute. Wait,
what’s this? Oh shit!"

"Owlene! Wait. Don’t leave just yet! Owlene….Are you still here? Jeezis, Wesczbo! Didja haveta bite me again? "

Wesczbo, having no intention whatsoever of behaving until he got what he wanted, was clamped down on Telpo’s wrist. Telpo grabbed a pencil and started tickling Wesczbo’s snout with the eraser end until the tortoise released his death grip. "Here ya go, now settle down and eat until I can have a look at the little present Christine’s left", instantly feeling idoitic for trying the complexities of this incredible mess to explain to his truculent turtle.

He glanced down to see some of his pet’s mealworms wriggling off the desk into his top drawer. Oddly, the sight of the mealworms had him thinking of Sanduccia. Regaining his wits, he started to punch the buttons on the now cracked receiver of the phone.

"Now, just cool out and eat your worms, Wescz; I gotta make a call"…..